This is what it is like to be a girl who has lived through trauma

She’ll make the perfect home one day, but there needs to be something in order to make a space where both of you can fit.

By Hui Xin


A girl who has lived through trauma has lived through a situation where her body, her mind, her self did not feel like her own. Every part of her felt almost disjointedripped from her self, safety, and sanity. It was a moment, an experience, where her trust was being crushed. Her worth was gone and all that was left, was pain.

A girl who has lived through trauma is the girl who was pushed into the deep end of the pool when she didn’t know how to swim at all. Still, somehow, she managed to stay afloat despite the struggle. A girl who has lived through trauma is the girl who walked through a forest fire, but dealt with the burns and made it out in spite of the flames. A girl who has lived through trauma is the girl who found herself in free fall but refused to break upon impact.

But the thing about trauma, is that even when it is over, it never really goes away.

And sometimes trauma can be really loud. In the quiet of the night, it screams louder and breaks every silence. Its like the monster banging at the windows and screaming gutturally inside of nightmares. Its like nails screeching on a chalkboard or an earthquake that rumbles below your feet. It smashes everything in its wake and forces everyone to acknowledge its terrible presence. She didn’t have any choice but to sit with hands clapped over her ears, desperately trying to block out the noise, wishing that everything will stop… But it won’t.

It’s the feeling of a 100,000 piece puzzle – but everyone around her thinks that putting her back together is simply not worth the effort.

So when you love a girl who’s gone through trauma, you’re saying that you see the worth in helping her bandage the wounds. You’re saying that you are not afraid of the bad days, instead you see the beauty in the good days. You’re saying that a lot of things may scare you, but trauma isn’t one of them. You’re saying that she is like a house that has the the makings for beautiful, sunlight-filled windows – but you’ll need to pick up the broken pieces and replace them with new glass.

She’ll make the perfect home one day, but there needs to be something in order to make a space where both of you can fit.

She is inherently complicated. She is stained with memories she wishes everyday she did not have. But the moment when she realises that you are choosing to love her, she will love you back with the same kind of tenacity that it took to walk through fire; and the same kind of fight that it took to stay afloat.

She will hold out her palm and show you the scars. And instead of apologising for bothering you with their appearance, she’ll trust you with all her heart that all you see is the beauty of the scars.